Hsien Min Toh
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Hsien
Min Toh has published two collections of poetry, Iambus
(1994) and The Enclosure of
Love (2001). His work has also been published in periodicals
such as Acumen, Atlanta Review, the London
Review of Books, Poetry
Ireland Review and Poetry
Salzburg Review. He
is also the founding editor of the Quarterly
Literary Review Singapore (www.qlrs.com).
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Snake Wine Not until my second last morning did I break beyond Pasteur Street to Ben Thanh market, whose exterior did not hint at the dimensions of its accepting harvests, and the way I got there was by braving the Saigon traffic on a pillion seat, darting in between and around swarms of scooters and taxis trying to make it through the same junctions all together, while the wind of my helpless movement blew the scent of the woman in front of me, with tickling wisps of her hair, at me; but this is not about her, or how she would start with lightly humoured petulance whenever I strode into her room. Rather, after twenty minutes of flicking our fingers through handmade chopsticks with accompanying ivory rests and miniature dolls selling the fantasy of a Vietnam subtly curved in áo dài, we came across rows and rows of violin-case-shaped bottles filled with yellow wine and a baby king cobra each, glassy eyed, stiff-tongued, fangs visible as with intent, its patterned grey hood enriched by a deep orange dot of Chinese wolfsberry. I wondered if this could be an appropriate gift for you; you hatched in the Year of the Snake, and you had the bite of a woman. We assume these coils are dead, but I remembered the news report on the Thai bachelor who had uncorked a bottle only for the cobra to spring out from organic hibernation to bury those fangs deep into his knuckles, and I thought that you would surely never taste the liquor if I told you that story, which would mean it could rest on your bedside ledge as a permanently dreamcatching souvenir of me. Lemons When life gives me lemons, I make lemonade. As a boy, I detested the taste of lemons, that sharp sourness captured in a grimace, but recently I have had so much citrus fruit that I've adjusted to the attack of the acid. The other day I found myself biting into lemon wedges for the juice, as though they were orange slices. It made me think how during our university days we bought bags of lemons from Sainsbury's because they were cheap. I squeezed yellow halves till my hands tingled for an hour, while you turned a heap of sugar into syrup. No matter what we felt about that white snowdrift of guilt, we knew through trying that there was a point at which a virtuous loss of sweetness turned to an uncomfortable biting of tongues, and if we were to let doubt cool all morning in the fridge we would have the poor choice of hot syrup or watering down painfully squeezed lemonade. We hadn't learnt, though, that the same applies to unheaped denials, that belief sustains the unspoken like a wound, and that even if the nice thing about lemons is that unlike blood oranges they don't stain no matter how careless you are with them, their invisible ink shows when you try suspected surfaces with heat. I suppose you can't compare lemons and oranges, but if you know the only red nettings to end up in my fruit compartment hold Valencia oranges, you'll understand my surprise, with the wedges, to have discovered aftertaste, the lingering in the mouth of a peculiarly silky sweetness that is inestimable relief after the assault. Trench-Digging When our boots hit the beach at Punggol, it was two to a trench for all except the sick list, but then there was a command post to be dug in, and so it was like coming on to score an own-goal when one was supposed to have been on the bench, because it seemed the sick list could come in handy. All day we chipped at the sand. Letting our pride sting us into motion, ten of us yoked our bad backs and asthma attacks to the land. "C'mon there, give us a hand," we poked out at the drivers, more from the duty of making their lazy cigarettes carry an incremental tithe in guilt, as the leftenants were away poring over their maps, in the shade of a tembusu tree. Oh, yes, 2LT Lee came around every now and then, fresh as a temperate daisy, to show us how we could dig faster than we could, but when his walkie-talkie charged the air with static it seemed he had to be elsewhere. It was still us, after all, who chopped the beach with changkuls, filled three thousand sandbags, clanged iron pickets into resisting sand with the monkey ram as though we were ringing the time, and lined the walls with corrugated iron sheets to hold out the slow, treacherous crumble. An hour after dusk, the final sandbag in place, we squinted at the low prow and the crossbeams of what we had built, and wished that we could shoot at it. Then the leftenants moved in. Set up their signal sets and the portable radio receiving 98.7FM. As for us, we moped about the tonners, between the chilly night and the stifle under canvas, the pebbles and the deep blue sea. It seems the CO came round and was rather pleased. One month on, our leftenants wore fresh bars on their epaulettes. We knew what we had done, and though we didn't care about the trench I didn't dare say that was good enough, and what anger this could rouse would not be scattered like phosphorous-tipped bullets into the invading sea. |